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Sapmle Paper on the Glorious Revolution . points to be observed

Major Points :

            (1)      no title
            (2)      author withholds his name
            (3)      no date
            (4)      no name of school or camp
            (5)      no indication of class or grade
            (6)      text not organized into chapters
            (7)      no notes
            (8)      no references
            (9)      irrelevant segments
The Glorious Revolution is an event in English history. England and Scotland, at that time, were a dynastic union (i.e. they were ruled by the same king). So this revolution affected Scotland as well, and the student was to write about this effect on Scotland. Where the author narrates why James II. alienated influential persons/circles in England, which caused the latter to invite William of Orange, upon which James II. fled the country (paragraphs 2-5) - at no point the author mentions how Scotland was involved. Irrelevant.

Details :
            (10)      Inaccuracy : James II of England, a one and only catholic monarch of England
Up to Henry VIII, all Kings of England were Catholics. "Catholic" to be capitalized.
            (11)      Imprecise phrasing, which may cause confusion :
parliament rejected James II's request for money. One paragraph further up : Glorious Revolution cause many bloodsheds and economic challenges that lead into the union of Scottish and English parliaments. Author comments on events in England and Scotland; each country had a parliament (they merged in 1707); which parliament does he refer to ?
            (12)      capitalization of names :
Now, whigs and the tories both became concerned about England's future : Whigs, Tories
            (13)      Questionable Judgment
From the position of England, this Union of parliaments was truly needed. England felt that they were always constantly exposed to the threat of war from the North due to the close relationship between Scotland and France.
Since 1603, England and Scotland were in Dynastic Union. A Scottish-French alliance was only a possibility if there was a change of dynasties as in the case of the Glorious Revolution, and thus not "a constant threat" (this constant threat had existed from 1214 to 1603).

Overall :

            (14)      Paper remains close to its sources, re-tells narratives found somewhere
            (15)      Clumsy expression which indicates, he at least tried to be original

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