A Comparison of the Mining and Metallurgic Industry in Germany, Japan, Russia, the U.S, and Chile 1850-1950
Korean Minjok Leadership Academy
Table of Contents
Oct. 27th 2011
Oct. 27th 2011
Title : I added articles. Please use the title as given above.
Table of Contents :
III.1 Germany from 1850 to 1910
III.1.1 Start of Industrial Revolution
III.1.1.1 Ruhr Region
III.2 Pre-World War period of Germany
(1) If you use subchapters (as in III.1.1 : subchapter III.1.1.1) there MUST be minimum two. If there is only one, merge that subchapter into the
chapter, so here : merge III.1.1.1 becomes part of III.1.1.
(2) As III.1 covers Germany 1850-1910, III.2 should be part of III.1, so it should be III.1.2.
Consequentially, III.3 Japan becomes III.2, III.3.1 is merged into III.2, III.4 becomes III.3, III.4.1, III.4.2 become III.3.1, III.3.2.
III.5 becomes III.3.3 (as III.3 covers Russia 1850-1910). III.6 The U.S. 1850-1910 becomes III.4, III.6.1/III.6.2 become III.4.1/III.4.2,
III.7 becomes III.4.3, III.8 becomes III.5.
IV.1.1 is merged into IV.1. Title "Nazi Industry" is inappropriate, because you cover the era 1914-1945; the Nazis only ruled from 1933 to 1945.
(3) VI. Comparative analysis of German, Japanese, Russian, U.S', Chilean cases
Comparative analysis of the cases of Germany, Japan, Russia, the U.S. and Chile.
Question : why this order ?
(1) When the European and American continents started revolutionary development from their old period legacies,
This sentence is ambiguous and may lead to the implication of something you do not intend your reader to imply. As many changes may be referred to
as a revolution, and a revolution if not explained by additional information usually is understood as a political one, your reader is puzzled why you combine revolutions with a continent. The "American Revolution" pertains to only part of the (North) American Continent; there is no such thing as a European Revolution. So you may want to be more specific and refer to the revolutionary development as that of an industrial kind.
their old period legacies also ambiguous; I suggest to replace this phase by 'their respective legacies'.
(2) When the European and American continents started revolutionary development from their old period legacies, the main power beneath the advance was the invention of technologies for the use of resources like coal, steel, and oil. technology does not have plural.
(3) Since the industrialization started in almost all the world in early decades of 1800s, the leading power of each country focused on the development of its mining and metal industry. This sentence contradicts the content of your paper and the purpose why I formulated the topic of this assignment. It started in Britain, decades later the Industrial Revolution took roots in continental western Europe and the U.S., again later in Russia and Japan. Chile was affected early because the demand for Chilean ore was there, but Industrialization only came in after World War II. So you need to be more careful in the choice of your words in order not to have your reader think you don't understand the topic you write about here.
(4) This paper tries to cover the history of mining and metal industries from industrialization to World Wars by comparing the cases of several countries: Germany, Japan, Russia, U.S and Chile. it is 'the U.S.'
(5) III. From the Industrial Revolution to Pre-World War period
The term 'Pre-World War Period' is a bit awkward. I suggest to replace it here and at other places in your analysis by '1914' or by
'to the Eve of World War I'.
(6) Compared to the early start of Industrialization in Britain, Germany began to industrialize itself long after British Empire.
Here you say that Germany began its process of Industrialization after Barbados and Sri Lanka. Replace 'British Empire' by 'Britain' or 'the United
(7) As the result, many mining and steel making enterprises were initiated by the government. Over time, these industrial units grew and prospered within the aid of Prussian and other German states. of Prussia and of other German states. The way you write it, there was more than one Prussia at that time.
(8) Southern Germany, which was poor in natural resources compared to northern Germany, naturally developed the cottage industry first.
Several problems : southern and northern Germany are not clearly defined. The mines of the Ruhr, the Saxon mines are located in the very south of what
you seem to think of as Northern Germany. The other problem : Northern Germany, before going through Industrialization, also had a strong cottage industry / protoindustry. Third, it seems to me here that you confuse 'industry' with 'large-scale industrial enterprises'. Every German will object to this view; the backbone of Germany's economy has always been the medium size industry (mittelständische Unternehmen); they have provided more innovations, have been the engine of technical progress.
(9) After Germany experienced several warfare (1864 Schleswig-Holstein War, 1866 Austrian War, 1870 Franco-Prussian War), the second German Empire was born in January 2nd,1871. warfare has no plural. After Germany went through several wars. The term 'Schleswig-Holstein War' reads as if Schleswig fought against Holstein. The Austrian War - who fought against Austria ? The Wikipedia refers to the 1864 war as the "Second Schleswig War"; Germans refer to it as the German-Danish War. The most widely used terms in English for the 1866 war are Seven Weeks War and Austro-Prussian War. The term Franco-Prussian War is generally used in English, but still objectionable as it disregards the vital contribution of Prussia's allies to the German victory.
Another point : Empires are established, not born.
(10) From 1890s to 1900s, Germany manifested ambitious aspiration to be powerful status in the world.
From the 1890s to the 1900s. You can not be powerful status, you may gain the status of a world power. Prussia was a European power already in 1763. Germany inherited that status. Germany wanted to become a world power, equal to Britain.
(11) In this period, German government kept imperialism as the basis of foreign policies. not kept, pursued. 'Imperialism' is a name and has to be capitalized. Foreign policy (singular).
(12) Time passed, in 1907 France, Britain and Russia organized Triple Entente to cope with Germany¡¯s Triple Alliance.
to counter Germany's Tripple Alliance with Austria-Hungary and Italy.
(13) Among the other industrialized regions in 19th century Germany, Ruhr Valley was the most suitable place for steel and mining industry.
Invert order : mining and steel industry. There is no steel industry without a mining industry.
(14) Ruhr region contained great opportunity of access to natural resources. Moreover, the enormous coal mines and well-developed transportations offered perfect position for promising steel industry.
Question : what other natural resources than coal ? I come from there; it has coal, and everything else is brought in from outside, most notably iron ore.
transportation has no plural. The development of that transportation (canalization of the Ruhr 1780s, construction of a railroad network in the 19th century,
of the Dortmund-Ems Kanal, Rhein-Herne Kanal, Lippe-Seiten-Kanal) were costly state-financed projects. The coal mines were not enormous, the deposits they exploited were.
(15) Not only geographical benefits, the region also had skilled labor forces from the long history of mining. labor force does not have a plural. A skilled labor force. However, this skilled local labor force could only answer to a tiny fraction of the demand of a booming mining and metal industry; no other part of Germany has been shaped that much by immigration than the Ruhr Area.
(16) Ruhr successfully completed its mission, The Ruhr is a river, its mission is for its water to reach the ocean.
(17) Along the enormous extraction of Ruhr, Saar region also provided considerable part of Germany¡¯s coal output. Both regions produced the fuel on which Germany's industrial expansion was mostly based, and later coal from Ruhr and Saar became the basis for the World Wars.
Along the enormous coal production of the Ruhr Area, ...
For your information : There was another important area of coal production in Upper Silesia (modern Poland). It was partitioned between Germany and
Poland in 1919; my grandfather is from that region. Many Upper Silesians moved to the Ruhr, because they had skills in mining or metal industry.
One question : why list the Saar under the chapter heading "Ruhr" ?
(18) During this period, Germany enlarged its steel and mining industry to strengthen the nation and prepare for unknown conflict over the Europe. Together with the steel production for civil usage, the militarization was accelerated with armaments and navy reinforcement.
The first sentence gives military reasons only for the (state-planned) development of Germany's industry.
Germany's rivals and critics in those days leading up to World War I cultivated this image, and foreign World History books - knowing that Germany kept the rest of the world busy in two World Wars, in the need of explaining that fact, emphasizes the military aspect of Germany's industrial development.
However, in the second statement you correctly moderate that view. I suggest to eliminate the assumed intention : 'During this period, Germany enlarged its mining and steel industry. Steel was produced for civilian usage, as well as for the production of arms and the expansion of the navy, thus serving militarization.'
(19) The history of Japanese modernization started when Tokugawa shogunate grasped the political power in 1854. This government was the first one which opened the country to Western commerce and influence.
Look up "Tokugawa Shogunate". If any Tokugawa grasped political power, it was Tokugawa Ieyasu in 1600 (Battle of Sekigehara) / 1603 (appointment as Shogun).
As you write it, the Tokugawa in 1854 pursued an active policy of any kind; in reality, the opening to the west was forced on them. The Tokugawa were more an obstacle to modernization than an agent of it, and they were removed in a coup d'etat in 1868.
(20) Before Tokugawa, the base of Japan¡¯s national wealth definitely came from its agriculture. There was almost no major industry in Japan more than agriculture. Most parts of the country were self-sufficient with agriculture, and seriously dropped behind compared to Western society. The entire Japan was under the feudal system.
Before Tokugawa = before 1600/1603. What you mean to say is before 1854.
First, check this paper and add it to your reference list : http://www.zum.de/whkmla/sp/1011/yakuza/nsj2.html
Nam Sangjoon, Japanese Economic History Prior to the Meiji Restoration, written at the same time when you wrote the first draft to this paper. He uses
only Japanese language sources, used to live there.
I understand that many of the matters I criticize are caused by your clumsy English. This mistake is caused by sloppyness as a historian; you operate with vague definitions of terms and you fail to double-check (as in the case of the wars Prussia fought, further up this list).
What you claim the Tokugawa to have overcome was the system they were responsible for.
(21) This policy accelerated the construction of unban infrastructure in cities and massive production by expanding the number of shipyards, iron smelters, and spinning mills-major constructions for metallurgic industry. you mean 'urban' ?
(22) This figure indicates the fast growth rates of Japanese cities in the period, especially those which contained lots of resources or had serious location for product transportation. 'indicates' is too strong. Better : the strong growth rate of coal production CORRESPONDS to a similarly strong growth rate of the population of Japanese cities in that period ..
(23) With its army, Japanese defeated Qing dynasty in first Sino-Japanese War. give the years
(24) After this victory, the tension between Russia and Japan arose. After the war with China, Japan accelerated its industrialization more, and later this was connected to Japan's focus on heavy industry to feed its army for imperialistic purpose.
Your reader will assume that by the tension between Russia and Japan you refer to the buildup to the Russo-Japanese War of 1904-1905 (to which you make no direct reference). In the next sentence you jump back to the First Sino-Japanese War of 1894-1895. Perhaps you want to rearrange the order, have the second sentence first, the first sentence second (or even skipped).
(25) Beneath the poor situation, there were huge amount of coarse lands like Siberia, which make the connection between major cities difficult.
I don't understand 'coarse lands'. In Siberia, prior to 1861 there were no major cities.
(26) If Russia wanted to explore and communicate with such lands, establish communication with ...
(27) Russia had too enormous land. You try suggest here they should have given some of it away ?
(28) Since 1850, the increased production of anthracite (hard coal) made American households to replace wood by the fuel of higher and cleaner quality.
I doubt the 'cleaner' part; the usage of coal as the dominant fuel caused pollution of the 19th century.
(29) The lack of domestic labor force was complemented by the immigrant workers from Britain, Germany, and other Eastern Europe countries.
In this sentence you imply that Britain and Germany are located in Eastern Europe. Skip 'other'
(30) With the opening of Panama Canal in mid-1840s, Ouch. Did you not pick the Panama Canal as an assignment topic some semesters ago ? Double-check your information !
(31) Supported by rich Chilean miners and British traders, Chilean railroads were established in late-1840s. Moreover, first telegraph was installed at Santiago-Valparaiso sector in 1852. Later in 1876, there were 48 telegraph offices and 1,600-mile cable network in Chile. These processes contributed greatly on Chilean Industrialization and Modernization.
Miners are persons working in a mine, usually for a low salary; you mean mine owners/licence holders. Chile does not use miles; convert into km.
This paragraph gives a too positive picture of Chile's Industrialization : Chile failed to develop a copper smelting industry. The logical place to set up this industry was Chile, yet the smelters were in Swansea (Wales), half-way around the world from Chile.
(32) From 1879, Chile fought the War of Pacific against Peru and Bulgaria for six years.
Bulgarian readers of your paper will be very surprised abouty this little known aspect of their country's history. Bolivia, not Bulgaria.
(33) The main customers of Chilean nitrate was Germany, U.S., France, Belgium and other countries which later participated in Allied force.
Again, some of your readers may be surprised to learn that Germany was one of the Allies in World War I. Rephrase
(34) There were British and German ownership of nitrate plants in Chile, Are you sure the nitrates were produced in plants ?
(35) In 1933, Hitler took the power and Nazi industry began. Apart for you contradicting your chapter title, you may want to say :
and The Nazi administration began to mold Germany's industry into one supporting her policy of future military conquest. In January 1933,
it was not yet an industry which could be called a Nazi industry.
(36) Table 11 : Germany's Output of Coal and Iron Ore 1920-1940
Your observation of Germany squeezing every bit of iron ore out of their deposits in the years 1938-1944 is correct, but only partially describes what went on : Iron ore imports from Sweden through the Norwegian port city of Narvik were even more important than domestic production. That is why Churchill tried
to land British forces in Norway. German production of pig iron in 1933 5,247 thousand metric tons, in 1940 13,955; of crude steel 1933 7,617, in 1940 21,540.
So the sharp increase in German iron ore production does not translate into an equally sharp increase in steel production. Because German iron ore production made up a comparatively minor share of its consumption, and when more was needed, imports could not be increased, so domestic production had to be maximized.
(37) In 1939, Germany invaded Poland. By this act, the most gigantic war in early 20th century began.
Inopportune expression, as you imply that there may have been "more gigantic wars" before and after the early 20th century; also many of your potential readers might disagree with World War II having been part of the early 20th century.
(38) Table 12 : see my comment no.36
(39) Because German troops failed to finish its enemies in early period of the war, Germany had to fight at several fronts simultaneously.
I suggest you replace 'finish' by a more appropriate term. Also, early in World War II did just what you state they did not : Stage one, Poland, over in three weeks. Stage two, Norway and Denmark, accomplished in six weeks. I do not count the Phoney War - the British and French did not even shoot. Only in the campaign against the Netherlands, Belgium, Luxemburg, France and the UK, the UK managed to hold out because it was protected by the English Channel, the Royal Navy and the R.A.F.
(40) From the middle of World War I, Japan slowly manifested its ambition to imperialize rest parts of East and South Asia. In fact, Chosen and some northern parts of China were already under Japan's control from 1910s, Explain Chosen in a footnote. And you just state that Korea betweem 1905 and 1910 was independent. At least when it comes to the history of your own country, you may be expected to be more accurate.
(41) Chapter title : IV.2.1 Japanese Steel and mining Industry during World War I
Table 15 contains data up to 1928. Content and chapter title do not fit; fix.
(42) IV.2.2 Imperialist War and World War II By Imperialist War, do you mean to refer to the Second Sino-Japanese War 1937-1945 ?
If you use a term google does not know, such as this one, be so kind to add a definition
(43) Start with the victory in the Second Sino-Japanese War (which started in 1937), Japan began to colonize numerous areas in East and South Asia. Represented as Japanese Militarism in 1930s, Japan attacked and pressured Taiwan, Chosen, Manchuria, and other Asian countries.
Did you switch on your brain when you wrote this ? Taiwan was annexed by Japan in 1895, Korea in 1910 (taken in 1905), Manchuria was occupied in 1931, all of which were actions taken before 1937.
(44) table 21 title says it is about coal production, column headline says it is about iron ore; which one is it ?
(45) At this point, the steelwork and mining companies in U.S. seemed to ignore the limit of their annual production.
What kind of a limit do you refer to ? Who had set such a limit ?
(46) Defeated in World War II, Nazi Germany was divided into West and East Germany. After the defeat, please do not call it Nazi Germany;
Nazi rule ended on Mai 8th 1945. Also, Rump Germany was divided into 4 zones, Soviet, Americam, British and French. This division does not take into
account large German territory annexed by Poland respectively the USSR.
(47) your notes : for Collier/Sater you give precise page numbers. For any other book source you do not; most notably for Mitchell, from whom you take the
data for your 26 statistical tables. Whereever there is a publication of any kind which has page numbers, refer to precise page numbers in your notes.
That counts for Mitchell 1992, Mitchell 2003a and b, Waldron, Fulbrook, Franck/Brownstone, Falkus. By the way, I had to give Falkus to another student
(Ho Du Nyong, sophomore)
(48) in your notes : Mitchell 2003 - which volume ? the Americas volume or that on Asia, Australia, Africa ? If you have the situation of one author having published two books in the same year, to both of which you refer, label one Mitchell 2003a, the other Mitchell 2003b.
(49) 18. Article: ¡°Company History of Sumitomo Metal Industries¡± URL http://www.fundinguniverse.com/company-histories/SUMITOMO-METAL-INDUSTRIESLTD-Company-History.html
Skip 'article'; add "from Funding Universe"
(50) 9. Article: ¡°Steel Industry, History¡± URL http://en.citizendium.org/wiki/Steel_industry,_history
for AMY article you must mantion the newspaper, magazine or encyclopedia it is taken from; in this case Citizendium
(51) 1. Manufacturers and Miners, Jrene M. Franok and David M. Brownstone, 1989, Work Throughout History
you try pronounce Jrene. It is Irene M. Franck.