History of Election Engineering
Korean Minjok Leadership Academy
Table of Contents
Nov. 2nd 2011
Sept. 5th 2011
Sept. 5th 2011
Sept. 5th 2011
Mar. 3rd 2011
Nov. 2nd 2011
. go to BSH's Log
(1) Table of contents :
VI. The elections in Nigeria
i. Historical context before 1990
1) The legacy of colonialism and military rule
2) Election and ethnic polarization
ii. Presidential elections in Nigeria
i. The presidential election in 1993
ii. The presidential election in 1999
When I translate your word file into html, all indentations disappear. This is what your reader will see. So there is a chapter named ii.
followed by a chapter titled i. and another titled chapter ii. This must puzzle him.
Following your logic, main chapters are numbered in capital Roman numbers. Subchapters first level are numbered in lower case Roman numbers.
Subchapters of subchapters sometimes are numbered using arabic numbers, sometimes using lower case Roman numbers. This is confusing.
So I changed it as follows :
VI. The elections in Nigeria
VI.1 Historical context before 1990
VI.1.1 The legacy of colonialism and military rule
VI.1.2 Election and ethnic polarization
VI.2 Presidential elections in Nigeria
VI.2.1 The presidential election in 1993
VI.2.2 The presidential election in 1999
Check the chapter numbering in your log and follow it, ESPECIALLY in the chapter headings in the text.
(2) Until 1990, though briefly taking apart in Westernized parliamentary or presidential system following their colonial system, the single party often led by military government was majorly stipulated.
When I met you in summer session two years ago, I was worried about your English expression. At that time you told me you planned to study politics abroad, and my thought was - what is this guy thinking ? He needs to work hard to improve his English expression.
This sentence proves my point. To take something apart means to disassemble it; you can try take apart your computer. You will end up with upper and lower parts of a casing, with a few screws, computerchips, cards, cables etc. I sense you wanted to say : to take part in ..
In the same sentence you cause more confusion. Until 1990 most African states, and probably all states examined in this paper, were one-party states.
Then the World Bank made credits dependable on political reforms, among which were the running of open, multiparty elections. So the single party
no longer was a single party. You do not explain this change; you know it and you imply your reader knows it.
Another point : when the former colonies were released into independence in the 1960es, the first election was a multiparty election. The newly independent countries were converted into one-party states only gradually in the 1960es.
(3) I have no clue what you intend to say by "was majorly stipulated".
(4) The following terminology should be given clear meaning in this paper. The following terms. The word "terminology" has no plural, can not be used
in a restricted way as you try to. It were possible to refer to "political terminology" etc. This is very much a definition-centered research paper; you will come up with a series of new terms, which may add to political or historical terminology.
(5) Firstly, election fraud will refer to every possible way of intervention that distorts the will of voters and brings about the change in election results
You have to highlight the terms you define, for instance by giving them bold font.
(6) misleading or confusing ballot paper, ballot stuffing, misreporting of votes, misuse of proxy votes, destruction or invalidation of ballots
There is a Wikipedia article on "ballot". http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ballot. It uses the term 'ballot' in a confusing manner, both for the process of election (as in 'secret ballot' and for the individual ballot paper. The Wikipedia editor pointed at this weakness, by stating "this article contains weasel words". Now I have no clue what a weasel word is, but I recommend you to follow the British practice and refer to the destruction or invalidation of ballot papers, the designing of misleading or confusing ballot papers, ballot box stuffing.
Remember, you want to define terms here, you must be precise and unconfusing.
(7) Your paragraph refered to terminology, and then began with the word "firstly". So you create in your reader the expectation of many more definitions to come. And then - there is no "secondly". Can Marmots not count to two ?
(8) the research orientation is focused on the role of elections in the process of democratization by analyzing empirical evidences
"evidence" has no plural; you may refer to it in singular, or to "pieces of evidence", or replace it by "sources"
(9) by analyzing empirical evidences presented in West Africa.
Nowhere in your narrative so far did you explain your choice of countries to examine (other than listing them in the title). You refer to West Africa;
if you do not justify your choice, your reader may be confused, because when you refer to West Africa, he thinks if 15 countries, not your 4, although your
4 are among the most important.
(10) Hermet (1996:25) defines the term as a transition from authoritarian political system to democratic political system. (2)
In your endnote you will refer to Hermet 1996 p.25. So you give the same piece of information twice. Better : Hermet 1996 defines the term ..
and refer to the page number in your endnote number 2.
(11) According to Dahl, democratic regime must employ contestation and participation as the fundamental democratic elements to realize true democracy. When you refer to Hermet, you give a year, when you refer to Dahl, you don't. Be systematic. In-text references always author, year. If your source does not provide you with the year of publication, use n.d. (no date).
(12) in electing public officers. officials; officers read as you write about the army
(13) In all modern democracy, I do not get what you try to refer to; "in all forms of modern democracy" or "in modern democracy" or "in all modern democratic systems" "in all modern democratic states". Be more specific.
(14) IV. Method of study
1. Method of Study
i. Selections of regions and subjects
In your table of contents you listed : IV. Method of Study, i. Selections of regions and subjects
Such a difference is confusing. I was to complain about using the same chapter heading fort two chapters anyway. Selection, not selections.
(15) your table : Table 1 : Presidential Elections. As you do not give a source, I assume you put it together.
(16) NDI (National Democratic Institute for International Affairs)¡¯s reports, Amnesty International¡¯s human right reports on election period to measure that any intimidation and violence exists, and IFES(International Foundation for Electoral Systems)
When you explain NDI, you leave a blank space between initials and bracket. When you explain IFES, you do not.
Be systematic. I recommend always inserting a blank space in such cases.
(17) IV.1 Selections of regions and subjects; IV.2 : Selection of Sources.
Sometimes you capitalize all nouns in headings, sometimes you don't. Both options are acceptable; choose one and apply it systematically in your paper.
(18) NDI (National Democratic Institute for International Affairs)'s reports => NDI's (National Democratic Institute for International Affairs) reports
(19) US department of state's Department of State is a name, must be capitalized
(20) The paper possesses a certain limitation since there is inevitably an irregularity of sources.
If you express to possess something, it has a positive value, you can sell it. Nobody says : "I possess malignant cancer." First, your paper is dead, it can not possess anything. And if it would, the limitation is not an object anybody would want to purchase. rephrase.
(21) For instance, the paper does not analyze whether a certain kinds of election fraud are prevalent in one region due to the irregularity of sources
. Grammar is not optional. "a certain kind", or "certain kinds", not a combination of both. Decide if you want to use singular or plural.
(22) By utilizing various political frauds to Do not use "fraud" in plural. Cases of fraud.
(23) You frequentyly use the term "democratization". That means you view the countries you observe as not yet fully democratic.
A few years ago the Democrats led by Al Gore hotly contested the election in Florida, which gave the presidency to George Bush jr. (Republican). The basis for that complaint was a voting irregularity in one electoral district, where voting machines declared 20,000 votes invalid. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Florida_election_recount Based on such irregularities in nations with a long history of democratic elections, one could apply the term "democratization" here as well. Democratization refers to a transition from an undemocratic system, in West Africa from the One-Party-System, to a transparent unrestricted multiparty system. That transition took place in the early 1990s. If you want to use the term democratization for the latter part of the period you examine, you might want to include the term in your definition section. Keep in mind, among the future readers of your paper - and the plan is to post it - will be many West Africans. They will be very sensitive regarding the terms you use, as Koreans are when they read terms such as "Sea of Japan".
(24) In the early 1990, when multi-party elections began to emerge in African continent,
In the early 1990s. Elections do not emerge. They are held. on the African continent.
(25) VI. The election in Nigeria
As you use singular, you refer to one individual election. I suggest : Presidential Elections in Nigeria
(26) As you are a student of politics you certainly are aware that in some countries presidents have strong power, in others they are representative, low key figures. Example, in my country the president has a function compatible to that of the Queen of England; I don't even know who is president at the moment. Actual power lies with the third highest ranking politician, the chancellor. You picked presidential elections as the ones you want to focus on.
If you were to pick presidential elections in my country - the president is not even elected by the people. So you may want to justify your choice of focus by explaining the political systems of the countries of your choice.
(27) From 1861 to 1900, the expansion of Britain to the inland of Nigeria happened with the support of the United Africa Company which wanted to earn lucrative Nigeria.
In 1861 Britain (reluctantly) declared under her protection Lagos, a settlement for liberated slaves. No intention to extend her territory in Africa.
Please refer to the United Africa Company (so named in 1929) as the Royal Niger Company. Again, Britain was reluctant to act on its own, it merely provided Taubman's RNC with a charter. Only when the British government saw the danger of other colonial powers trying to grab territory in Nigeria, did British authorities act and claim that territory for themselves. Rephrase; your historical introduction does not do justice to historical complexity.
You do not "earn" a country. Nigeria did not even exist as a country, when Britain extended her territory in the region; British colonialism created Nigeria.
(28) The division of Nigeria into North and South soon expanded to provincial division into three regions based on their economy, which also corresponded to ethnic division of Hausa-Fulani in the North, Yoruba, in the west, and Igbo in the East.
This is a history paper. Give a year.
(29) Until its independence, each region was granted with limited self-government and also federal government comprising of members elected from each region, which gradually expanded to greater degree of local autonomy and self-rule. (8)
The problem is "its". What you mean to say : Until Nigeria's independence (in 1960; you do not give a year). What you do say : Until the independence of each individual region. Serious problem : one such region, Biafra, in 1967 actually declared independence.
I told you often before, you need to spend more focus and effort on the development of your active English proficiency.
(30) Compared to the long history of British parliamentary system, Nigeria held little tradition of democracy and repeatedly alternated between the system of military ruling and civilian ruling. Like many African countries, which adapted multiparty system yet consolidated the power of governing party without embracing different political entity, it failed to establish the democratic tradition with continuing military rule from 1960 to 1990. (9)
Correct. What I want to point at here is not about what you write, but about what you do not write.
A Nigerian reader of your analysis may think : right, democracy is not a West African tradition. But from 1900 to 1960, who ruled Nigeria ? The British. Did they introduce the British tradition of holding democratic elections ? They were introduced only toward the very end of British rule, in the 1950s. So who is to blame - the lack of democratic tradition in West Africa or the reluctance of the colonial administration to introduce such ?
At least mention that the British administration was not in a hurry when it came to the introduction of a democratic system.
(31) The diversification of political idea was scarce yet the institutionalization of ethnic and religious group was widespread.
Sorry, I don't get this. Perhaps by diversification of political ideas you mean parties based on political views, such as conservatism, liberalism or socialism. The "institutionalization of ethnic and religious groups" I don't get; perhaps you refer to one party representing one tribe/region. Be more clear.
By the way, a Nigerian reader might remark (1) in democratic countries such as Germany or South Korea you can observe something similar. The CDU (Christian Democratic Union) is a dominant political force since 1946. The CSU (Christian Social Union) runs only in Bavaria, represents only one of the 16 German states. You study results of presidential elections in South Korea, compare the results of Cholla Namdo and of Kyongsang Namdo, in the election when Kim Dae Jung ran against Kim Young Sam. You need to be more detailed and sensitive in your expression.
The fact that a political party represents religious values or a specific ethnic group or region is not harmful to a political system per se; such parties lacking a proper understanding of democracy, and the willingness to compromise are.
Remark number (2) by an assumed Nigerian reader of your paper : Before the British merged Northern and Southern Nigeria in 1914, things were okay. A Muslim North, an Animist/Christian South, separately administrated. The British merged both because that way the railway under construction was easier to finance and administrate. So the British share significantly in the responsibility for the present South-North conflict, a major structural problem of Nigeria.
(32) Ethnic polarization during the leadership of military rulers worsened the conflict that even caused disruptive civil war from 1967 to 70 that threatened to disintegrate Nigeria.
That civil war has a name. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biafran_War Nigerian Civil War (Biafran War)
(33) VI.2 Elections after 1990 replace "after" by "since"
(34) "In the most optimistic level, he was acting in his sincere belief that the election was so totally comprised by fraud and vote-buying that he had no choice but to cancel it. (24) But, other theories exists as Mr.Aviola was the member of Yoruba ethnic group, whose ascension would end nearly 33 years of dominance by the northern Hausa and Fulani groups over Nigeria's political life. (25) In the most skeptical perspective, it is speculated that he was protecting his military coterie whose political life would be intimidated by the ascending power of Mr.Abiola who was widely rumored to launch an investigation into the corruption of military government during Babangida years."
This paragraph, you claim (by the usage of quotation marks, is one long direct quotation. You can not include am endnote of yours into such a long direct quotation. I don't believe you found a quote which includes grammatical blunders such as "other theories exists" (theories is plural, exists is singular). You skipped a bunch of quotation marks. Fill them in
(35) Your paper will be read by West Africans, but also by persons who do not know West Africa that well. So you might provide information about the ethnic composition and the distribution of religions, in form of a table and/or map. Further up, when you introduce Nigeria.
(36) ballot boxes were stuffed to the brim in some places and the violence groups seized the ballot boxes in others
This is a direct quotation (you use italics, although you forget to use quotation marks). (a) please use quotation marks and italics consistently, for direct quotations. (b) double check the term "violence groups". It is crude English. If it appears in the primary source, add a [!] after 'violence groups'.
(37) In reviewing the NYT reported released in 2007,
Do you mean the NYT reports (concerning the 2007 Nigerian presidential election) published in 2007 ?
(38) was revealed to be highly fraudulent with many indications that made it impossible become a democratic election.
The way you write an election only becomes an election after it is held. rephrase
(39) Max ven den berg, Max van den Berg. If your source has it wrong, add [!]
(40) The assessment of international press and election organization was also unfavorable
If "international press and election organization" is one organization, this is a name and has to be capitalized.
If you refer to the international press as the sum of international newspapers covering the event, it shall not be capitalized.
In such a case I do not understand "election organization". Please clarify, rephrase.
(41) In many elections, the responsiveness of Nigerian government was estimated to be low
A number of problems. First, I do not see any attempt to try define standards of responsiveness.
Second, what do you refer to by "government" ? Do you mean state authorities in general ? If yes, perhaps you contradict yourself, because you
stated the first election of 1993 was annulled because of irregularities.
Such a judgment - low rewsponsiveness - should be arrived at with a greater degree of sensitivity, and perhaps differentiation; the authorities
may have responded to reports of fraud more properly in the case of one election, and less properly, perhaps even engaged in a cover-up, at another election.
Imagine the judge who annulled that election of 1993 reads your paper. He may feel personally offended.
It is not easy for authorities to respond to such a situation. Remember Florida 2000.
(42) It was observed that contestation and successive governmental action often caused political turmoil that resulted in political rift, weak legitimacy of elected government, and coup d'etat. replace "and coup d'etat" by "or/and coup d'etat". "and" means, in all these cases all these aspects you listed appeared.
I recommend rethinking this entire sentence. Often = a significant number of cases. Coups d'etat by defintion have been successful.
http://www.dawodu.com/coup.htm maybe you want to use coup plots/successful coups. The 5 elections you examine are too few to use statements such as this one.
(43) VII. The election in Ivory Coast
This title implies either that there was only one in history, or that you refer to one which has actuality, the one last week or next week.
Same problem in chapters VI, VIII and IX.
(44) Parti Democratique de la Cote d¡¯ivore Cote d'Ivoire
(45) As one of the main factors, they indicated that the governing party, which allowed African foreign nationals to vote as well as their citizens, would earn the most vote of countries Burkina Faso, Ghana, Mali, and Guinea.
First, you may want to explain somewhere that Ivory Coast, as the world's largest producer of cocoa (the basis of chocolate), is host to numerous workers from neighbouring countries. So granting these foreign workers the right to vote significantly changed the situation. Second, foreign countries do not vote in a national election, their nationals may.
(46) The presidential election in 2010 was annulled by Laurent Gabgbo who denied the result of election which ended with the victory of his opponent¡¯s candidate, Alssane Quattera.
Watch the spelling of names. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alassane_Ouattara, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laurent_Gbagbo
(47) United Nation¡¯s the way you phrase it, there is one nation called United Nation. United Nations'
(48) iv. Election in 2010
.. text ..
1) Types: of election fraud in Nigeria
These two consequtive ivs do not correspond with your table of contents. I believe your word program can not handle sub-subchapters.
For you one lesson to be learned : do not depend on software, double-check.
(49) Here you write about Ivory Coast, not Nigeria.
(50) After the World War 2, current republic of Togo gained its statue of autonomous republic from French Union,
WW II ended in 1945. The Republic of Togo achieved this status in 1955.
Why not give the precise date ? It is like "After World War I South Korea gained her independence". A significant period of time after, you mean.
You do not intend to confuse your reader, but by sentences such as this one, you do.
(51) Commission electorale nationale independence double-check the spelling; I assume the last word to read independante
(52) during the latter phase of president Eyademia¡¯s rule due to the widespread belief that he had rigged elections and employed violence against the opposition. (106) (Wikipedia: Togolese election 2010)
Why give information about the source both in an endnote and in brackets in the text ? Skip (Wikipedia: Togolese election 2010)
(53) From the year of independence, republic of Ghana repeated several coups and republics as well in the years before 1990.
First, if you write about the year of independence, give that year.
Second, how can one republic repeat several republics ? Do not use one word in two different meanings in one and the same sentence.
(54) Fourth, the paper observed that except the country of Ghana which successfully transit into civilian government through election, the other countries showed a very low level of responsiveness. Countries often abused constitution and electoral code to set the election date in their preferences and harm the candidates on opposition side. Legal reforms or change in election procedure were scarce yet found in some cases to prevent ballot manipulation.
Sorry, I disagree. It seems to me that you somehow arbitrarily decide to allocate the attributes "high responsiveness" and "low responsiveness"
to countries. If you were to examine South Korea from 1950 to 2000 and you would end up with one summary judgment, you yourself would object to
such a procedure. Here in West Africa, pressured by international powers, dictators held multiparty elections and tried to cheat in one way or
another; then occasionally a true attempt to cut with such past was made; you treat these various administrations as one.
If so, come up with more degrees on your judgment scale than two - high and low.
with google books urls you can cut off most of the extensive tail. In case of this one, cut off where you find the first & :
http://books.google.com/books?id=0HRMx34lr0EC is enough.
(56) 20. Many in Ivory Coast May Be Left Out From Vote (February 7, 2010)
21. Ivory Coast: Europeans Press Defeated president
For number 21 you forgot to give a date
(57) Overall : you treat the 4 countries you examine as one solid, homogeneous block. For Nigeria, for example, you could produce a diagram
showing the degree of fraud during an election, responsiveness and contestation over time - chsanges over time.
A bit more differentiation in your response.
If one would have examined Germany's elections 1919-1945, one would have come up with a so-so result. From 1919 to 1933 elections were democratic,
from 1933 to 1945 they were engineered. This is a history paper, consider change over time.
Sept. 5th 2011
. go to BSH's Log
(1) ToC and skeleton of this outline do not match.
(2) I keep preaching that the LASt chapter I want students to write is the introduction, and everybody begins writing it.
Be sure you will have to revise it when you are done.
Sept. 5th 2011
. go to BSH's Log
(1) 10. Era Limits Its President to 2 Terms(February 25, 1999) leave a blank space betweren text and bracket, always.
Make it easier for search engines to use your text.
(2) 3. W. Joseph Campebll, The emergent independent press in Benin and Cote d'Ivoire: from voice of the state to Advocate of democracy , 1998 posted by Google books. spelling. Also, for all books used on Google Books, give URL
(3) 16. Challenger in Nigeria Warns of Protests if Election Is Fradulent (April 17, 2003) spelling
Sept. 5th 2011
. go to BSH's Log
Please use the chapter numbering I adjusted here.
Your numbers were messed up, and some number characters unpostrable
(2) Be sure, in your intro or in a subtitle, to list/explain the choice of countries in West Africa you examine,
and also the choice of elections.
Mar. 3rd 2011
You have taken on an ambitious project. There are so many sources available, you can easily get lost.
Also, some of the sources out there may be biased. Not every claim of election fraud by someone who lost an election
In order to establish proper categories for the manipulation of elections, you should
(1) Establish an overview how modern electoral systems emerged. Most importantly Britain, the "motherland of (modern) democracy".
see here : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elections_in_the_United_Kingdom#History
(2) Organize your notes by the way certain elections were manipulated,
and list examples. Try find several sources per example, in order to reduce the risk of falling for an unsubstantiated claim.
Further I recommend that you send me a draft of your list of categories early, and then in updated form, so that I can comment on
it and try help you getting lost in a pile of sources.